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all this  / Steven Jr   Read >>
all this  / Steven Jr
attention! i mean damn i even have a website! all i ever wanted was attention clapping of the hands fart sounds with my hands dancing showing everyone my big white butt weird noises with my mouth tapping people on there backs for long periods of time haha hehe haha hehe but all i ever wanted also was love and affection and i have plently of it.. even in the afterlife Close
Just a thought  / Danielle (aunt)  Read >>
Just a thought  / Danielle (aunt)

Please, don't ask me if I'm over it yet.
I'll never be over it. 
Please, don't tell me he is in a better place.
He isn't here with me.
Please don't say "at least he isn't suffering"
I haven't come to terms with why he had to suffer at all.
Please don't tell me that you know how I feel.
Unless you have lost a child.
Please don't ask me if I feel better.
Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up.
Please don't tell me at least I had him for so long.
Which year would you chose for your child to die?
Please don't tell me God never gives us more than we can bear.
Please, just tell me you are sorry.
Please just say that you remember my son, Please metion his name, and
Please, just let me cry.

Happy Heavenly 24th Birthday, 8/19/05!  / Rina (mother)  Read >>
Happy Heavenly 24th Birthday, 8/19/05!  / Rina (mother)
   Rina said to Dad & I, as we sat at your gravesite, "let me take a picture of you & Dad, the parents of a 24 year old son!"  My heart sunk, again.  In retrospect, your birthday was a glorious, bittersweet day.  We had mass said for you in the early morning and the chalice we bought for you is now being used during masses!  Your sisters wanted to have lunch with you, so we did, despite the rain, and we made decorations and momentos for you, balloons and the cake I made out of flowers adorned your grave.  Grandmom Ricca asked me to buy birdseed so you have more company!  Lots of tears.  We sung happy birthday & hugged each other and cried.  We received many cards, phone calls, emails, & visits - I was surprised!  More importantly, we were very grateful for them.  In keeping with tradition, I made one of your favorites for dinner and baked a delicious cake.  I still find it hard to believe you will not walk through the door!  As time passes, we can laugh and smile when we talk about you, and yet at the same time, the sorrow deepens in my heart.  I see glimpses of you in Dad, Rina and Emily.  You are very much still an important part of our family.  It is so very hard to put in words....we love you, Steven Michael.  Happy Birthday. Close
Our Gift....Our Deepest Loss  / Becca, Rich &. Dakota Kimbrew (Passer by )  Read >>
Our Gift....Our Deepest Loss  / Becca, Rich &. Dakota Kimbrew (Passer by )
Our children are our most treasured gifts in life. When one is lost, we feel a loss so terrible and final, that it never goes away. May your memories of  Steve bring you a measure of peace and a smile.


                                            Chris Kimbrew's Family
Stevens 24th Birthday!  / Marian Rogers   Read >>
Stevens 24th Birthday!  / Marian Rogers
Dear Rina, Steven, Rina Jr. and Emily,
      I am thinking of you today, and without actually speaking to you in person, I can feel your pain. I am so sorry that you don't have your precious son (and brother) with you on his birthday!  It was quite a wonderful day in your life Rina when you had Steven Jr.  It was exciting, and emotional, new and painful! It was a momentous day, one that you will never forget! And Steven so beautiful, a creation above and beyond your wildest imaginations!  I have always thought Steven a beautiful and sweet child. He sure loves you, and that present tense cause love last forever.  I just wanted to tell you all, that I'm thinking of you, and that I love you and that today just stinks.  Love Always, Marian

Macbeth, Act IV, Scene One  / Rina (Mom)  Read >>
Macbeth, Act IV, Scene One  / Rina (Mom)
Give sorrow words, the grief that
  does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart
   and bids it break. Close
Healing Tears  / Rina (Mom)  Read >>
Healing Tears  / Rina (Mom)

Healing Tears
Tears of Pain ..Tears of Joy..Tears of Strife
You have now been touched by the Sweetness of life..
God gave everyone tears to shed, to know they truely cared,
to use at their discretion when someone needs a prayer...
Tears are a part of healing, a bandaid for the heart,
Some give a little trickle while others fall apart...
Tears a waterfall of emotions, helps to mend a broken heart
to have truely loved another, is a masterpiece of art...
We cry for loss,We cry for pain..each tear is yet not in vain,
each a blessed experience we have gained
Some think tears are weakness, we know this is untrue...
They are really about Our strength, You and Me, through and through...
About Our loving You..
And you..
And you..
And you...

by Jeanette Diefenbaugh

another dream  / Rina Marie Jr   Read >>
another dream  / Rina Marie Jr
A few days ago i had another dream of steven. Lately my dreams of him has been him not knowing he was dead. He was very confused and in my dream i didnt know how to tell him he was dead so id act like he wasnt and everything was normal other then that in my dream.. we'd eat together and watch tv together and fight. But, a few days ago i had a dream and steven looked great! back to his normal weight and had a healthy glow to him. I remember he wore a light blue and orange tshirt. Mom and Dad were there too.. emily wasnt though..He told me he was in heaven and he had a job. He told me it was great up there except for he still has to take showers.. which i though was funny cause he always hated taken showers.. (i remember when we were younger he would have the shower running and just sit on the toilt for 5 mins then wet his ears and go downstairs pretending as if he had showered..weirdo) anyways he seemed real happy in my dream and me mom n dad were all laying in bed together and he was saying goodbye. Then he asked nicely if he could have something to drink before he went and dad said yeh go ahead.. and mom went downstairs to help him get a drink. Then she was back in bed and he was gone. I woke up that morning almost crying for being so happy thatd he knew he was dead and coming to me and saying he was great and is in heaven now. ..........I miss him so much.. it sucks.. everytime someone dies in a movie im watchin i just cry n cry n cry and i cant control it. by watching a movie like that can bring back so many emotions. like this hurt that will never go away. Close
When I Was There  / Rina (Mom)  Read >>
When I Was There  / Rina (Mom)

   When I was there with you and lived my life as your son
I knew you loved me with all your heart; I felt it from day one.

   I never once regretted having chose you for my mom and dad,
and although our time together was short, please don't stay sad.

   You see, when I was with you I learned so very much, and I took
with me to my other life all my memories of your love...

   I share it with the other kids I've met since I've arrived,
we all have memories of those special times, and
please never doubt that we're alive...

   We are busy helping others and we watch over you with pride
as we see you helping others and giving of your time.

  I see sometimes when you think of me you are sad that I am gone,
but remember that I'm still with you; you just can't see me tag along,

  I go with you on your travels, and yes that's me in your dreams at night;
I still look the same, just maybe a little more handsome in this light...

   Here there is no sadness, Mom, only joy and love and peace,
and here is where I'll wait, until you can come and live with me...

   In my world now there is no rush, things just happen day by day,
so take your time and enjoy life, have a little fun, it really is okay,

And when you make your jorney to this place where we're all one,
remember, I'll be waiting and I'll always be your son...

   ~By Sharon Hauber, in memory of her son, Spence

chain of comfort  / SELMA FLYNN   Read >>
chain of comfort  / SELMA FLYNN
on aug 1 at 1000 pm please lite a candle for steven it is for chain of comfort thank you selma Close
someday / Danielle Johnson (aunt and friend )  Read >>
someday / Danielle Johnson (aunt and friend )
Boy, this has sure been hard.  I am constantly reminding myself that this is real.  I miss Steven so much.  I am holding on to the memories that I have like I have nothing else to hold onto.  I look at my son, Tyler, who is 7 and I think of Steven and Rina, and the bond that mothers have with their sons and I feel my heart break every time. I cannot begin to imagine the hurt, the strong feeling of why?  I selfishly appreciate every moment I have with my children, and that just makes it all hurt more.  I am praying for this family all the time and especially for my sister.  I am so in awe of her ability to live through this, however hard, for her  2 beautiful daughters.   On the days that fly by and blend into one another and the ones that seem to drag on forever.  I am sorry for the distance in our family all the time and especially now.  I have so many things I want to say, but never say because I know that I won't be able to talk through all the tears.  I just want to say that I love you all and am so proud that Steven will always be a huge part of my life and this family. Close
Homesick / Rina (mom)  Read >>
Homesick / Rina (mom)


You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now.

Just the beginning...  / Rina (Mom)  Read >>
Just the beginning...  / Rina (Mom)
My dear Steven,
   A little over 15 months since you've been gone and it sure doesn't get any easier.  This has to be the hardest thing a mother can do - grieve for the loss of her child.  Strange but it seems like yesterday and an eternity, at the same time, since I heard you utter those last precious words to me, "I love you, too, Mom." 
   I read somewhere that death is an end of a lifetime but not a relationship and how true it is!  You are still a part of our lives and missed so much.  I know how you loved the internet so I started this website for you.  It is "just the beginning" and I have alot of plans for it.  It will be a work in progress.    It's funny, I think I don't want to ever be finished it so I am taking my time with it. 
   I thank God every day for you and how lucky I am to be the mother of 3 beautiful children.  We started out so young but have crammed so many experiences, memories and life into it.  People always would ask your father and I, "why do you take your kids to all your vacations, out to dinners and everywhere?" and now I can say because we have that many more memories together and I wouldn't change a thing!  
   They say a happy family is but an earlier heaven.  We are a happy family and despite all the drama and chaos we have once in a while, I believe it stengthens the bonds between us.  A piece of our hearts is with you in heaven, Steven.  And I know you are with us even today.   
    I love you, Mom.
walking for 8 hours  / Danielle Johnson (aunt)  Read >>
walking for 8 hours  / Danielle Johnson (aunt)
I remember the summers  of 1990 and 1991 and I was blessed to "babysit" Steven and Rina.  I would get out of school and fly home and come back the week school started.  I remember going to Washington D.C. and walking all over to see everything and we walked and walked.  For 8 hours we walked. And the seeing Smithsonian with those kids and having the best time.  I rember Steven and Rina fighting at night about who would get to sleep with me and not wanting to break their hearts we would all wind up on the floor so that I could lay in the middle.  Actually it was more about me wanting to lay by the both of them, but they never knew that...or maybe they did?  I remember talking until we were so tired and laughing and laughing and talking some more.  I know a few things for sure...and one of them is that those were the best summers of my life...I miss you Steven. Close
You are my best friend and baby sister, Danielle! I love this poem.  / Rina (Steven's Mom )  Read >>
You are my best friend and baby sister, Danielle! I love this poem.  / Rina (Steven's Mom )
I Lost My Child Today

I lost my child today.
People came to weep and cry
As I just sat and stared, dry eyed.
They struggled to find words to say
To try and make the pain go away.
I walked the floor in disbelief.
I lost my child today.
I lost my child last month.
Most of the people went away.
Some still call and some still stay.
I wait to wake up from this dream
This can't be real--I want to scream.
Yet everything is locked inside,
God, help me, I want to die.
I lost my child last month.
I lost my child last year.
Now people who had came, have gone.
I sit and struggle all day long,
To bear the pain so deep inside.
And now my friends just question, Why?
Why does this mother not move on?
Just sits and sings the same old song.
Good heavens, it has been so long.
I lost my child last year.
Time has not moved on for me.
The numbness it has disappeared.
My eyes have now cried many tears.
I see the look upon your face,
"She must move on and leave this place."
Yet I am trapped right here in time.
The songs the same, as is the rhyme,
I lost my child......Today.

~Netta Wilson

one time  / Rina Marie The 3rd (related not by choice haha )  Read >>
one time  / Rina Marie The 3rd (related not by choice haha )
steven woke me up with a tazor gun and stunned me on my funny bone. if you know me at all its a big mistake to wake me up, let alone wit a tazor! so i jumped up cursed at him alot and tryed to punch him but he was too quick so i grabbed a frying pan from the kitchen and eventually hit him over the head with it. i cant remember if it hurt him. prolly not and if it did he wouldnt have shown it to me and gave me that satisfaction.. his big hard head did bend the pan though... Close
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